From Serious Overthinking to Inner Peace: A Journey of Self Awareness and Relaxed Acceptance

6th January 2025

They say life begins at 40, but for me, it feels like awareness began at 40. After decades of striving, doubting, and overthinking, I finally feel I’ve unlocked a deeper understanding of myself. But what does self-awareness even mean?

The dictionary defines self-awareness as conscious knowledge of one’s own character and feelings. While that sounds clinical and succinct, my own journey toward self-awareness feels far more layered, deeply personal, and even liberating. For me, it means I can finally look in the mirror and like what I see—not because I’ve suddenly achieved society’s ideal of perfection, but because I’ve stopped chasing it. It means I can sit alone in a café without a companion or distraction and feel perfectly content. It also means I can be in a group and not feel compelled to fill every silence with words, trusting that my presence alone is enough.

Letting Go of What I’m Not

I spent so much of my life focused on what I lacked—what I didn’t have, wasn’t, or thought I had to become. My inner monologue was a constant critique, obsessing over imagined flaws and measuring myself against impossible ideals. This fixation blinded me to everything I did have.

I overlooked my strengths, my quirks, and the things that make me uniquely me. I was so busy chasing external validation that I ignored the quieter truth within; I am already enough.

Self-awareness has taught me that perfection isn’t real. The polished images we see on social media or the idealised stories we tell ourselves about others—they’re illusions. Real life is messy and imperfect, and that’s where beauty lies. My flaws, once a source of insecurity, now feel like endearing parts of who I am. They make me human, relatable, and real.

The Freedom of Acceptance

Finding self-awareness has been like unclenching a fist I didn’t realise I’d been holding. The grip of perfectionism, self-doubt, and societal expectations has loosened, and in its place, I’ve found peace. I’ve learned to enjoy moments for what they are, rather than what I think they should be.

It’s liberating to no longer need to explain myself or seek approval. If I feel like being quiet in a group, it’s not because I’m shy or awkward—it’s because I’ve learned that listening is as valuable as speaking. If I treat myself to a solo outing, it’s not because I lack company—it’s because I genuinely enjoy my own.

Cultivating Self-Awareness

Self-awareness didn’t arrive suddenly, like flipping a switch. It’s been a process of reflection, unlearning, and growth. Here are some things that helped me along the way:

1. Questioning My Inner Critic: I started challenging the negative thoughts that popped into my head. “Would I say this to a friend?” became my litmus test. If the answer was no, I worked on replacing self-criticism with self-compassion.
2. Practicing Gratitude: Focusing on what I’m grateful for shifted my perspective from lack to abundance. Instead of fixating on what I didn’t have, I began to appreciate the richness of what I do.
3. Allowing Imperfection: I gave myself permission to make mistakes, stumble, and show up imperfectly. Each moment of “failure” became an opportunity for growth.
4. Finding Joy in Solitude: I stopped fearing alone time and started savouring it. Solitude gave me the space to reconnect with myself and reflect without distraction.
5. Letting Go of Comparison: Everyone’s journey is different, and comparing mine to others only robbed me of joy. I began to focus on my own path, celebrating small wins along the way.

Self-Awareness and Communication

Self-awareness is a journey, and for me, it begins with accountability. I’m not afraid (that’s not to say I am always very good at it) to take responsibility for my actions and acknowledge the impact they may have on others. If my behaviour has caused discomfort or hurt, I make it a point to apologise sincerely. Owning up to our actions isn’t always easy, but it’s a cornerstone of building trust and fostering meaningful relationships.

Another critical part of this journey is perspective-taking. I’ve come to understand that just because something feels right to me doesn’t mean it’s the universal truth. There’s so much value in stepping outside of my own viewpoint and considering another’s perspective. In a world as diverse as ours, this mindset has opened my eyes to the beauty of differences and the opportunities they bring. Every interaction becomes a chance to learn, grow, and create incredible connections.

I also recognise that my natural tendencies or behaviours might not always align with others’ comfort zones. Whether it’s my energy, communication style, or approach to situations, I’ve learned to adapt and flex when needed. It’s not about changing who I am but rather meeting others halfway to create a space where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued. ( I shall write another blog about this soon)

Self-awareness isn’t just about looking inward—it’s about how we show up for others. By taking accountability, embracing diversity, and being adaptable, I’m not only growing as a person but also building bridges that strengthen the relationships around me.

A Work in Progress

Self-awareness isn’t a destination—it’s a lifelong practice. There are still days when self-doubt creeps in or when I catch myself falling into old habits. But those moments don’t define me. They’re just reminders of how far I’ve come and opportunities to keep growing.

At 40, I’ve learned that being self-aware doesn’t mean I have all the answers. It means I’m finally asking the right questions. It means I can look at my reflection and see someone I’m proud of—not because I’m perfect, but because I’m authentically, unapologetically me.

Here’s to the journey ahead, the lessons yet to be learned, and the beauty of embracing ourselves—flaws and all.

Happy New Year.  Here’s to 2025 and all it could bring.